Mothers guilt

I guess all mothers feel guilty from time to time. Constantly making sure we do the right things by our children to ensure they grow up to be they best person they possibly can. I’ve never felt guilty for Charlie being the way he is – but I have, at times, felt that I’ve taken the easy options or perhaps put my own wants and needs before his…
Have I relied too heavily on the computer to keep him entertained? He loves the computer – its been educational for him in lots of positive ways and he seems to have a talent for navigating around it, which is natural – perhaps because the order and logic involved, as far as Charlie is concerned, is very simple. But it has had its issues… This is where Charlie has gained his very ‘blue’ vocabulary from. We were mortified when we got a phone call from his pastoral care worker at school to tell us he’d been singing a Teletubbies song which included the line ‘Teletubbies come on your chest’ Its easy to suggest parental controls but when he wants to watch videos on YouTube on how to adapt a battery controlled train to operate in reverse or watch adverts for premier inn (more on that later!) it seems cruel to deny him such joy.
I’ve been on a mandatory lecture this morning. This included equality and diversity. Apparently as the mother of a disabled child I should be treated with equal rights to that child. Its called ‘associative discrimination.’ The events of last Christmas day was playing through my head…  I was working the early Christmas day – by the time I got home Charlie had ripped the paper off all the presents, managed to throw a new train out of his window onto the roof, destroy a DVD and miraculously destroyed his new Google tablet from the inside and put it all back together so it looked perfect! He was not a happy boy – too much unpredictability, sensory and emotional overload. And mum was not there to divert or defuse. A pretty memorable Christmas for the wrong reasons. Perhaps I should use the ‘associative discrimination’ act to ensure I get Christmas off? So here comes the guilt thing again – don’t want to use Charlie as an excuse not to pull my weight or make the same sacrifices as everyone else. And of course the guilt that I actually love my job and the people I work with and yes, at times, I’d rather be at work than at home. The ‘haven’ being my place of respite. Xx

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